Breathing and pretending that things never happened. That’s how you ease emotional turmoil, right? I know what went wrong, I don’t need to analyze it. I’ve done it over and over and over again in the past. There is nothing new to learn from here. So why dwell on mistakes I can’t change? Living in denial is what keeps me going. Otherwise I’d really have to seek out help. At this point it’s a life-saving philosophy.

And if I wasn’t telling myself that you never existed and I just made all this up, I’d have to come to terms with the fact that yet again, I ruined a pretty damn good thing. That it’s my fault it’s gone. That I lost it. It could’ve been different if I was better, but I’m not.

So let’s not think about it this way, shall we? It just never happened in the first place.